I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
