So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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