Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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