i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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