Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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