i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
