I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
