(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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