Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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