On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
