i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
