1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
