I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
