mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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