On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
