i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
