Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
did you just send me my own nude
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
