This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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