This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
