I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize