i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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