haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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