i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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