i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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