The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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