I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
