Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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