Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Shame is for Republicans.
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