And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
