After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
