i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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