just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How naked do you want me to be?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
