people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
