What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
