Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
