He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
