pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
