How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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