If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it glows. i had to have it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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