i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
