Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
