i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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