She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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