I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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