apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
