I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
