I think I won the penis lottery.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
