my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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