That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just cut my nipple shaving
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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