new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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