Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
