Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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