she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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