You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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