Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
