Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
