i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can't just leave with hair like that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize