You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
