jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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