I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize