my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
