i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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