shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
