woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
