i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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