He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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