every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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