dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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