The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
