Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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