i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
