She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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