I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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