Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He did a backflip because drugs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
