I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
