Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
