After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
