so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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