making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
