I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The struggles of a small town man whore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
